- Self-confidence vs. self-esteem
If you’ve been struggling with low self-confidence, where you know what you must do but you just can’t seem to make yourself do it, then continue reading.
Most people have these self-doubt feelings at some point in their lives. Be it your boss just snapped at you and you wanted to voice your opinion but you hesitated, the moment passed and you never got to say what you REALLY wanted too.
Or perhaps you want to start your own business but you feel stuck in a place because you lack the self-confidence to take the plunge to pursue your dreams.
Or maybe you have been in a toxic relationship but you just can’t seem to get yourself to leave because you’ve fallen into the habit of accepting the current relationship and how you are treated, so you stay hoping things will change. But deep down you know it won’t.
Whatever your story is, it can be related back to self-confidence and self-esteem.
The definition of self-confidence is “a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment.”
The definition of self-esteem is “the confidence and satisfaction in oneself.”
We are born with blank brains. The way you think and what you believe to be true and how you talk to yourself, all comes from your past experiences.
You were conditioned through your environment to think, feel and act the way you do.
If you’re one of those people who always say “I never want to be like my mother” or “I never want to be like my old man,” then I have a surprise for you. You’re exactly like them!
Look at a toddler as s/he grows up. They mimic exactly what you do. They learn their way of speaking, acting and reacting from YOU! And this is because “birds of a feather, flock together.”
The next time you want to shout at your kid and get angry, first look at yourself. Start looking for habits or behaviors that you’ve been doing daily without realising that you’re doing it and you’ll find the answer of why your kid is the way s/he is.
Charity begins at home. Self-confidence affects your thinking patterns, feelings, and actions. If you’re tired of always falling back into bad habits and it frustrates you that you can’t change it quickly, just be kind to yourself.
Rome wasn’t built in a day and similarly, new habits don’t just form overnight.You have to act on improving it every day.
Someone with high self-confidence shows self-assurance in how they speak and act because they trust their own, abilities, capabilities and judgments in any given circumstances. This person truly believes that s/he can meet the demands of the tasks.
Thus self-confidence is equal to your words and actions PLUS the belief in yourself and feeling capable.
How you feel and what you believe about yourself is directly proportional to your actual performance.
I’m also going to share another concept I feel is directly affected by your self-confidence and self-esteem. And that is decision-making.
In this exact moment, you have a choice to stay where you are and keep feeling the way you do. Or you can make one decision RIGHT NOW, almost like a declaration that you want things to be different and that you will do whatever it takes to change that thing that’s stopping you.
Growth is 80% work on your self-development and 20% skill.
Bandura’s theory states that “self-efficacy is built on one’s beliefs in the likelihood of future success. Those who believe they have the ability to influence the events of their lives have high self-efficacy, while those who feel they’re not in control and have little or no impact on what will happen to them in the future have a low self-efficacy.”
Call a spade a spade.
God says in Proverbs 23:7 “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.” And in Luke 6:45 “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.”
Self-esteem is about the success you feel you deserve.
Self-confidence is about the success you feel you are capable of achieving.
The goal here is to change dysfunctional thinking patterns by replacing them with functional healthy thinking patterns. It’s a choice you need to make!
Here are 3 ways to improve your self-confidence
- Become aware of your negative self-talk daily.
An example is “I’m so F#%@ing fat! When will I ever fit into my favourite jeans again? I will never be skinny. So what’s the point?” So you keep eating unhealthy foods and you just give up on exercise completely.
The thing with that kind of thinking is that you become a chronic giver-upper. You never feel good enough and you never achieve any goals you set for yourself. If someone had to put a loudspeaker on your head to play to the world you will be diagnosed as crazy and psycho.
So why do you do it to yourself?
I want you to make the CHOICE today, to STOP this negative self-talk and replace it with 3 sentences that you can repeat to yourself daily that are positive and motivational, i.e. “I’m beautiful and uniquely me.”
Stick them on your bathroom mirror and when you brush your teeth read it 8 times. That’s it. Do it diligently every day for 3 months so that you can re-program your brain’s way of thinking.
Brain-dumping all your thoughts and ideas helps your mind to take a break. The average human has about 70 000 thoughts a day and of that 80 % are negative thoughts. How’s that for programming from your environment?
Journaling is very therapeutic because it’s like you store your thoughts on paper and indirectly you give your brain a break from constantly trying to remember things or worry about things.
3. Rewrite your negative thoughts into positive ones.
Flipping the switch on negative thought patterns by reprogramming your way of thinking is the bridge between your failures and successes.
Negative thinking patterns keep you stuck because it’s directly related to your feelings and how you see yourself.
Make a list of how you want to feel and write them as:
A few examples:
- I feel beautiful because…
- I feel successful because…
- I feel like a millionaire because…
- I feel loved because…
Record these on your phone and set reminders to listen to them 3 times a day. This helps to change the dysfunctional thinking patterns into functional healthy thoughts, and this BOOSTS your self-confidence and self-esteem.
You can download my Master Your Mindset Tool here. Feel free to share this blog post with people you know will benefit from it.
Until the best post.
#Remember to be bold, be brave and be courageously YOU!
Learn to Master Your Mindset with these 5 easy steps
that you can apply to your life daily.